Sunday, February 17, 2013

Meet The Press - February 17, 2013

Denis McDonough – White House Chief of Staff
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Lt. Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-CA)
Chris Matthews
Carly Fiorina
Alex Castellanos
Cmdr. Mark Kelly

Gregory: isn't Chuck Hagel weakened by
Republican's McCarthyite tactics against him?

McDonough: no because he fought in
Vietnam and Ted Cruz is a whiny jerk

Gregory: does he hate Israel?

McDonough: Hagel? no

Gregory: let's about Benghazi again

McDonough: [ palmface ]

Gregory: what can you add to that that
hasn't already been said?

McDonough: we've have 10,000
pages of analysis on this incident

Gregory: the reality is the debt is a huge issue

McDonough: here we go

Gregory: Obama doesn't have the guts
to take on liberals – I hate him so much

McDonough: Obama restored the U.S.
economy and the stock market is roaring

Gregory: Obama didn't create jobs because
he is a Democrat therefore it didn't happen

McDonough: who is this clown?

Gregory: but Republicans are grown up
and liberals and always hippies –
everyone knows this

McDonough: you are ridiculous

Gregory: we must reduce the debt!

McDonough: Obama cut $2.5 trillion in debt

Gregory: how can you guys make an agreement
when Republicans won't raise taxes and
Obama wants more taxes

McDonough: let's not take a meat cleaver 
to the budget

Gregory: so what is Obama willing to do?

McDonough: make reasonable proposals and
watch the GOP freak out

Gregory: it is a fact Medicare is terrible
and I hate it and it must be slashed

McDonough: prove it Fluffy

Gregory: Republicans say so

McDonough: oh okay

Gregory: why won't Obama cut Medicare??

McDonough: he addressed health care
costs in Obamacare

Gregory: but Simpson-Bowles!

McDonough: our plan is better than
Simpson-Bowles since it comes with sprinkles

Gregory: you must raise the retirement age!

McDonough: easy talk from a millionaire
talk show host

Gregory: Obama is going ruin immigration
reform by taking the lead on the issue

McDonough: David talking to you is like
talking to a crazy person

Gregory: would Obama be willing to change
his mind and endorse all Republican ideas?

McDonough: you are hilarious Greggers

Gregory: aren't Republicans right 
on gun control too?

McDonough: mary jesus and joseph I avoided
Fox News just so I wouldn't have to
talk to people like you

Gregory: you're a devout Catholic –
who should be the next Pope?

McDonough: the Church should just keep
just keep doing what they're doing and they'll be fine

Gregory: what could go wrong?

McDonough: nothing I'm sure

Gregory: Do you still bike to work?

McDonough: no I have a jet pack with
the official White House logo

Gregory: thanks for coming Denis

McDonough: thanks for having me Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: panel is Chuck Hagel weakened?

Matthews: he didn't perform well but the
nuts in the Senate went overboard and he
may benefit from the backlash against
the McCarthyism

Castellanos: Hagel lacks character because
he turned on his own party – also Obama is a
coward for not turning on his own party

Gregory: Senator McCain you told Fox News
that the real reason you oppose Chuck Hagel
is because he was mean to George W. Bush
and turned on his own party

McCain: that never happened

Gregory: it's on videotape

McCain: ok then it's true

Gregory: that's sounds kind of bad

McCain: Hagel loves Iran and didn't 
support the Surge

Gregory: gosh

Gregory: when you were running for President
you proposed Chuck Hagel for Secretary of Defense

McCain: he hates Israel!

Gregory: oh my

McCain: the Crucifixion of John Tower
was the worst thing I've ever seen since the
Flagellation of Robert Bork and the
Taunting of Clarence Thomas

Gregory: what's the deal with your obsession
with Benghazi?

McCain: we need a timeline of Obama actions
the night of the attack and why did Obama
say he called it a terrorist attack

Gregory: because he did

McCain: but there are so many semantic
questions about Benghazi!

Gregory: this has been about wordplay?

McCain: There has been a massive cover-up!

Gregory: A cover up of what?!?

McCain: do you care that four Americans died!

Gregory: what is Obama supposedly covering up?

McCain: is Obama a member of al-qaeda?!?
who can say?!

Gregory: would you be willing to raise
taxes to avoid sequester?

McCain: Obama should lead!
Except on immigration!

Gregory: speaking of immigration –
if Obama proposes legislation will it fail?

McCain: of course it will

Gregory: why?

McCain: because Obama has cooties!

Gregory: so if his name is on it – it must fail?

McCain: yes – does Obama want a law
with no credit or a law with his name
on it which must fail?

Newsom: John McCain obviously has a
personal grudge against Chuck Hagel –
it's pathetic

Fiorina: Obama created the sequester!

Gregory: we're talking about Chuck Hagel

Fiorina: Democrats don't all support gun control

Gregory: what are you talking about Carly?

Fiorina: if Obama tries to win points by
cheating by being popular he will ruin
a good immigration bill

Matthews: the GOP is Daddy and Democrats
are Mommy and they just need to be
good parents and stop fighting

Gregory: you are so wise

Matthews: also we must put up a 100-foot
fence around America

Gregory: you really hate illegal immigrants coming in

Matthews: no we must keep them from leaving!

Castellanos: Obama is a terrible person by
proposing popular bills instead of giving
Republicans what they want

Gregory: Carly Obama said cutting
the debt alone won't grow the economy

Fiorina: it's a fact that the debt crowds
out other spending

Matthews: that ridiculous - interest rates are low!

Fiorina: yes but Obama created the
recession in 2008

Newsom: I am a very handsome man

Gregory: that is true

Newsom: the sequester is an artificial crisis
created by Republicans!

Fiorina: that may be true

Newsom: if want to move the mouse you
have to move the cheese

Matthews: or buy a cat and kill that mouse

Newsom: good one Tweety

Matthews: I am going to call you Smoothie

Castellanos: Republicans were shocked, shocked
that Obama declared war on their insane
view of the world

Gregory: Tom Friedman thinks Obama
would like to do things

Newsom: well he's not gonna do it
with these nuts in Congress – he went around
them and he won and the American
people like him and his ideas

Gregory: is Ted Cruz engaging in McCarthyism?

Matthews: absolutely – it's all smears and innuendo

Fiorina: I am stunned that Obama has failed
to achieve anything and blames Republicans

Gregory: wise words from the person fired
from Hewlett-Packard and who was rejected
by the people of California

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama called for a vote on gun violence

Kelly: people across America are wondering
how many more have to be killed

Gregory: but people love guns –
what can get passed ?

Kelly: one million criminals have failed a
background check but can still buy a
gun at a gun show

Gregory: but then they would have
to cross the street

Kelly: why did the chicken cross the road?

Gregory: I don't know – why?

Kelly: to take advantage of the gun show loophole

Gregory: people hate the government and
may want to murder someone someday

Kelly: why should only law-abiding people
have to go through a background check?

Gregory: does Gabby Giffords want to
be the face of gun control?

Kelly: someone has to do it

Gregory: you are an astronaut -
are we under attack by meteors?

Kelly: yes we are – the earth is being hit
by flying rocks all the time

Gregory: damn aliens!

Kelly: the universe is a crowded place

Gregory: tell me about it – that's why I bought
a house on Martha's Vineyard

Kelly: [ facepalm ]

Gregory: and that's another episode
of Meet The Press



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