Sunday, February 14, 2010

Meet The Press with Joe Biden - February 14, 2010

Guest:
Vice President Joe Biden
Rachel Maddow
Harold Ford
David Brooks
Rep Aaron Schock (R-Illinois)
February 14, 2010

************
Gregory: Hey Joe - how are the Olympic
games going?

Biden: except for that one guy dying they’re awesome!!

Gregory: you want to give Khalid Sheik Mohammed a fair trial but where?

Biden: somewhere safe and appropriate like New York City, Governor’s Island, White Plains
or Alabama

Gregory: haven’t you already decided not to release Khalid Sheik Mohammed??

Biden: Calm down Fluffy

Gregory: [ grinning ] but by being sure of a conviction aren’t you prejudging the case?

Biden: god you are an idiot

Gregory: [ grinning ] but where is the justice??

Biden: jesus you’re stupid

Gregory: let me repeat a bunch of nonsense
from Dick Cheney

Biden: Fuck Dick Cheney

Gregory: but he says you are weak on terror

Biden: Dick Cheney is entitled to shoot a man in the face but he is not entitled to make bullshit up and have it spewed on ‘Meet The Press’

Gregory: yes he is

Biden: well he’s fucking crazy

Gregory: why do you think he’s lying?

Biden: maybe he’s an idiot too

Gregory: but you would never be outspoken
like that?

Biden: you fucking troglodyte - it’s not about being outspoken it’s about fucking lying

Gregory: unemployment has risen by 2 points
since you took office

Biden: hey stupid - we prevented a Depression and are slowly turning this economy around

Gregory: but in my opinion you have failed by not ending all unemployment

Biden: we’re actually accomplishing something you fatuous grinning fool

Gregory: but you have to concede that you are a bad Vice President

Biden: Hey Bubblehead why don’t you shut the fuck up and learn some facts?

Gregory: wasn’t pursuing health care reform a huge mistake?

Biden: sure it was - it’s necessary for the future of America but the people hate shit like that - they only like promise of candy and Disney rides

Gregory: Iran has a nuclear bomb when are we going to war??!?

Biden: Jesus Calm the Fuck down Fluffers - we have Iran isolated and boasting about sending worms in space

Gregory: Worms in Space - OH NO?!!?!!?!!

Biden: [ rolls eyes ]

Gregory: How is Iraq a victory for Obama?

Biden: by getting the hell out of that mess

Gregory: Was invading Iraq worth it?

Biden: Hell no dumbass

Gregory: What’s going on in Afghanistan?

Biden: we’re adding more seasoned, tough
and tender elements

Gregory: Pashtun warriors?

Biden: no I’m talking about Afghan barbecue

[ break ]

Gregory: [ grinning ] Obama is soft is terrorism!

Brooks: that’s totally bogus

Gregory: oh poo

Brooks: but you either follow the Constitution or
you get good intelligence

Maddow: what a fucking liar you are David Brooks

Ford: Obama is tough - he bombed a wedding reception Afghanistan!

Brooks: that was justified - it was an all-ABBA theme

Rep. Schock: why would we put criminals on trial when you could put them in a gulag!?!

Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
if you’re not going to let go why even put them
on trial?!?!

Maddow: good luck with that lynch mob Greggers

Gregory: but but but -

Maddow: a terrorist is not a warrior - that gives them too much stature

Brooks: by predicting a conviction Joe Biden is betraying our values

Gregory: by saying KSM would face the death penalty there can be no justice!

Schock: I represent white mainstream values and the
beige heartland of America!

Ford: we should put KSM in a torture chamber so we can save money and pay down the debt

Maddow: [ jaw drops ]

Schock: that makes sense

Maddow: What is wrong with reading someone their Miranda rights?

Schock: People with Miranda rights don’t talk

Maddow: that’s not true

Ford: Rachel is right

Gregory: harry reid has boldly submitted a $15 billion jobs bill

Brooks: partisanship, pork and pointlessness all
in one

Schock: the stimulus bill didn’t create long-term growth

Maddow: it was only enacted this year buddy

Schock: we need to create certainty by cutting more and more taxes

Maddow: the GOP trashed the stimulus bill and then Congressmen take credit for all the spending
in their districts

Schock: we had to take the money the Democrats forced us!

Ford: the GOP are the debtors

Maddow: the real issue is hypocrisy

Brooks: Obama is a hypocrite for inviting GOP members to a health care bill even if he won’t
put all GOP ideas in the bill

Gregory: does the GOP have any ideas at all?

Rep: sure our idea is to start from scratch and
then do nothing at all

Maddow: oh for god’s sake the entire summer was wasted putting Republican ideas in the bill!

Brooks: national transformation is hard - we can’t have health care reform because of the Vietnam war

Gregory: Harold will you run against Kristen Gillibrand

Ford: I’ve been humbled by what people have been saying about you

Maddow: dude you should be

Gregory: are you a real New Yorker?

Ford: indeed someday I may even pay taxes here

Gregory: how nice

Ford: people want to cut the debt and we need to remember that as Republicans

Gregory: I thought you were a Democrat

Ford: the point is I will run as a champion of Wall Street bonuses

Gregory: are you pro-choice?

Ford: If you can’t see ‘Twilight’ without parental notification why can you have an abortion

Gregory: well I wouldn’t do either one

Gregory: Rachel - Democrats can’t govern!

Maddow: no stupid - Republicans won’t let government work

Schock: Americans want lower taxes and deregulation

Gregory: didn’t we try that for 8 years?

Schock: we did? I was 6 years old when Bush
was elected

Brooks: we need a third party to raise taxes and cut medicare

Gregory: a modern-day Ross Perot

Brooks: he’s insane

Gregory: I liked Perot

Maddow: he meant you Fluffy

******************

7 comments:

val said...

OUTSTANDING recap!! (I watched the original)

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I can't watch the originals.

That's why I appreciate CoT's willingness to get off the boat and risk the tigers while gathering mangoes.
~

Anonymous said...

This one wasn't far off the actual show, which I watched online just before reading it.

Excellent summary, I'd say hilarious but so was the show.

I think David Brooks becoming suddenly concerned about "everyone fighting" because someone was finally calling out Republicans was precious.

Democrats criticizing Republicans: Shocking partisanship.

Republicans criticizing Democrats: The natural state of things.

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