Gregory: how does Obama define winning
the war against an abstract method of killing
Brennan: cracking foreign skulls
Gregory: OMG all those intelligence guys say
we’re going to be attacked!!!!
Brennan: al qaeda is currently recruiting more teenagers and exploring new methods of planting explosives in underpants
Gregory: they are so fiendishly cunning
Brennan: true but we working on developing new technologies on thwarting attacks with Fruit of the Loom, Hanes, Jockey and Victoria’s Secret
Gregory: will terrorists target the SuperBowl??
Brennan: now that Brett Favre is not in it what’s
Brennan: we are working with panty sniffers
across the world
Gregory: will they target my shopping mall?
Brennan: if they are smart they will
Gregory: President Brown says we should torture the guy with the funny name
Brennan: I heard you were a moron Fluffy
Gregory: why was he treated as an American citizen
Brennan: he wasn’t you dancing fool
Gregory: but he’s so scary!
Brennan: we did what Bush did for every terrorist
Gregory: but Republicans are tough and you
are a non-torturing wimp
Brennan: you know I’m tired of ignorant liars like Brown
Gregory: that reminds me - by defending yourselves from Republicans lies you endangered national security!!
Brennan: [ palmface ]
Gregory: but you didn’t share information about
how you intended to torture this kid
Brennan: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: did the GOP sign-off on the decision not squeeze his balls?
Brennan: who knows what the fuck GOP Congressmen think about anything - they’re all fucking liars and idiots
Gregory: so if he is talking what are you learning about al qaeda?
Brennan: it turns out al qaeda wants to launch attacks on the West
Gregory: oh my
Gregory: where will KSM be tried?
Brennan: I don’t know but we’re actually bring
him to justice unlike Bush
Gregory: will he be executed?
Brennan: I’m not going to let al qaeda or the GOP rob us of our shining system of justice!
Gregory: but Holder promised to succeed - that’s not justice
Brennan: you’re a true idiot
Gregory: is China going to take away my
Brennan: indeed we have information they may target Facebook
Gregory: oh my well good luck to you sir
[ break ]
Gregory: is the economy finally turning around?
Paulson: yes but only if the government doesn’t regulate Wall Street
Greenspan: what we need is to do is cut taxes
Gregory: that is so wise - why should a business start hiring with all these heavy taxes!?
Paulson: shockingly I agree - I also think we should cut taxes
Gregory: wow you must both be right
Paulson: just as soon as CEOs have more money they will hire people to polish their yachts
Gregory: when is the recession over?
Greenspan: the recession is over
Gregory: how can you tell?
Greenspan: Matlock said so!
Gregory: but the stock market is down since January and it’s February!
Greenspan: Wheel of Fortune!
Paulson: don’t worry Fluffy we’ll all get rich soon enough
Gregory: Hank please bash Barack Obama for me
Paulson: I won’t - thank god Obama and Tim continued Bush’s great policies
Gregory: so did you vote for Obama?
Paulson: I won’t answer that - but let’s just say I didn’t vote for the guy who watched Matlock
Gregory: Dr. Greenspan tell me the truth - are
you actually a Ferengi?
Greenspan: I live by the Seven Rules of Acquisition!
Gregory: people are underwater in their mortgages
Paulson: yes people’s inability to pay is a problem
Gregory: no in New Orleans they are actually under water
Paulson: no one predicted that housing prices don’t always rise for no reason
Gregory: I see
Paulson: and when that isn’t true people stop giving a shit
Greenspan: the best approach is to trade home value for credits on Deep Space Nine
Gregory: OMG the deficit!!!!
Paulson: this is an incredibly serious issue I just realized when a Democrat became President
Clinton: oh no - just an agreement allowing the US temporary control of the area
Gregory: of course
Paulson: I have learned that it is very difficult to get Congress to cut Social Security and Medicare when people like it
Gregory: Alan how can we save America??
Greenspan: once we’ve hocked everything to the Chinese to fight all our wars we will have to sell them North Dakota
Gregory: OMG Obama is going to raise taxes on
Paulson: sure it’s bad but what we really need to do is raise taxes on the poor
Greenspan: it is so sad that we have gotten to a point in this country where we cannot discuss eliminating the most successful social program in the history of this nation
Gregory: Hank are bonuses on Wall Street too high?
Paulson: sure I can see how people might think that but the real point is to put off any real reform while they pocket another trillion or so
Gregory: oh how droll you are sires
Paulson: you mean sirs
Gregory: um yeah
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG I just love Sarah Palin!!
Gilllespie: she rocks Fluffer
Gregory: does she rule the GOP?
Myers: she went out of her way to say crazy people hate the GOP as well as Democrats
Gillespie: they’re not Democrats or Republicans they’re anti-spending lunatics
Gregory: what is their plan for the debt besides waving pictures of Obama as witch doctor?
Myers: Bill Clinton created a surplus
Gillespie: no no no we had 9/11 and a recession and other fuck ups so the debt wasn’t Bush’s fault
Gregory: Ed please bash Bush then I will talk and Dee Dee will not get to speak at all
Gillespie: that sounds good to me
Myers: [ silence ]
Gregory: Bayh says why should anyone trust
the Democratic party??!!?
Myers: right it’s so sad the Dems can’t govern
Gregory: Ed is the Democratic majority in jeopardy??
Myers: I will take Bullshit Spin for $1,000 David
Gregory: but people hate the GOP as well
Gillespie: that’s true but we will lie our asses off in the meantime which often leads to GOP gains at election time
Gregory: good luck with that Ed