Sunday, November 16, 2008

Meet The Press - November 16, 2008

Sunday, November 16, 2008
Senator Levin (D-MI)
Senator Shelby (R-AL)
T. Boone Pickens

Brokaw: ok guys - auto bailout - yes or no???

Shelby: no way dood - Detroit is a bunch of dinosaurs and it’s time for them to go extinct

Brokaw: you said this is not a national problem

Shelby: sure it's not something really important like whether terri schiavo can follow a balloon

Brokaw: i see your point

Levin: can i talk?

Brokaw: fuck off loser

Brokaw: rick waggoner says he will accept a federal bailout but only if he gets a cut

Levin: ok he's an asshole but the entire american economy is dependent badly made vehicles

Brokaw: who doesn't love a good hummer?

Levin: even the europeans are bailing out mercedes and bmw

Brokaw: its never been the same since they lost teh slave labor

Levin: people are not buying cars because they are afraid

Brokaw: they are afraid their car will be an overpriced clunker

Brokaw: will you demand Rick Waggoner apologize for the Gremlin?

Levin: what about Bush and Obama?

Brokaw: never heard of them

Shelby: this is the beginning of Obama Corporate welfare

Levin: Bullshit - we did it for Chrysler and for the airlines and AIG and Wall Street and

Shelby: blah blah blah

Levin: but we have to pick up all their pensions!

Shelby: Pfffft

Brokaw: but only a bailout can save the industry!

Shelby: no they must renegotiate with the unions and tell them to fuck off

Brokaw: Tom Friedman says the unions are to blame for building Escalades

Levin: hey Tom - Suck. On. This.

Brokaw: but the unions!

Levin: they've taken hits and Detroit is finally listening it troubles me

Shelby: boooooooring

Levin: they're making hybrids and electric scooters why can't people see that this is not their fault they're making good cars!!!

Shelby: uh huh

Brokaw: are you willing to tell Chrysler dealers that their cars suck?

Shelby: you betcha!

Levin: no we must subsidize the auto industry so they can continue to innovate and make good cars nobody wants

Brokaw: T Boone do you think we should bailout the auto industries

Pickens: how the hell should i know

Brokaw: how's your wind

Pickens: it's slow but the wind will still be there tomorrow

Brokaw: i like you - you're folksy and like my crazy grandpa

Pickens: ahm gonna harness the wind and that will release natural gas

Brokaw: did Obama agree to support your cuddly non-existent plan?

Pickens: well he doesn't dance to mah tune but he likes natural gas cause it's red white and blue

Brokaw: what about electric cars

Pickens: nice but only natural gas is 'merican and can run a rig and get us off muslim oil

Brokaw: all gore says we should use kites to fly to work

Pickens: as long as their not foreign kites that's fine

Brokaw: but oil is cheap again

Pickens: but it still comes from terrorists and towelheads

Brokaw: good point

Brokaw: what's the answer

Pickens: we need a plan or you are in favor of foreign oil which is foreign and did I mention it was foreign

Brokaw: you were an oil man for 50 years stupid

Pickens: well that was your fault Tom and no President worked on the problem

Brokaw: Carter did

Pickens: fuck him he wore sweaters

[ break ]

Brokaw: should we bailout Detroit?

Tom Friedman: no way - where is their plan for fixing their problems?

Brokaw: subsidized crack

Friedman: they should have a plan - like marry a billionaire

Brokaw: that's a tough position

Friedman: these car makers suck - fuck em

Katty Kay: true but after 8 years of a Bush Presidency the US economy is so fragile we have to do it

Friedman: but they're greedy fuckers

Kay: ok so have the executives publicly drawn and quartered

Brokaw: what is the solution

Andrea Mitchell: Obama quit his senate seat so he could dodge the question

Tavis Smiley: hey who's getting rich Mustache man - Detroit is poorest fucking city in America

Friedman: slackers

Smiley: the Audacity of Mendacity!

Brokaw: what about the fucking unions?

Mitchell: look we all like the underclass with their cute little blue collars but Obama is going to have to tell the unions to fuck off

Mustache: no one in the world understands this economic crisis - Obama is gonna need a bigger soup kitchen

Brokaw: i'm scared

Friedman: fairness doesn't matter - we have to bailout homeowners or we will be all eating bread and water

Brokaw: i'm not sure we have caught up to the full extent of the shitiness of the Bush economy

Kay: Bush has united the planet in agreement that he is the Worst Leader in the World

Brokaw: Andrea please offer us some juicy useless gossip

Mitchell: Hillary was seen with Lindsay Lohan and Bill Clinton

Brokaw: why would Hillary take a cabinet job?

Mitchell: she was shut out of health care in the senate by Ted Kennedy and needs a platform

Brokaw: but I thought Teddy had a brain tumor and was done for

Mitchell: think again warbler

Brokaw: bash Jesse Jackson pleez

Smiley: i know we're all celebrating Obama’s win but now there are no blacks in the Senate

Friedman: the next Secretary of State should be a bankruptcy specialist

Kay: what drugs are you on?

Mitchell: it shows Obama has read “Team of Rivals” which is very very important to people who listen to Don Imus

Brokaw: oh of course

Mitchell: also Obama will hire Lugar, Gates, McCain and Hagel

Brokaw: any liberals?

Mitchell: those *are* the liberals

Brokaw: is Bobby Jindal the future of the party?

Mitchell: yes and unlike Sarah Palin he appears to have a brain

Smiley: no unlike me that dood has not shown he can appeal to bored white people across the nation

Brokaw: my mother survived the gang wars of the twenties, an affair with John Steinbeck, a marriage to Doug MacArthur, nuclear tests, Elvis, the hula hoop, Woodstock, Studio 54, the crack wars, and giving birth to me - happy birthday mom

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