Sunday, November 16, 2008
Senator Levin (D-MI)
Senator Shelby (R-AL)
T. Boone Pickens
Brokaw: ok guys - auto bailout - yes or no???
Shelby: no way dood - Detroit is a bunch of dinosaurs and it’s time for them to go extinct
Brokaw: you said this is not a national problem
Shelby: sure it's not something really important like whether terri schiavo can follow a balloon
Brokaw: i see your point
Levin: can i talk?
Brokaw: fuck off loser
Brokaw: rick waggoner says he will accept a federal bailout but only if he gets a cut
Levin: ok he's an asshole but the entire american economy is dependent badly made vehicles
Brokaw: who doesn't love a good hummer?
Levin: even the europeans are bailing out mercedes and bmw
Brokaw: its never been the same since they lost teh slave labor
Levin: people are not buying cars because they are afraid
Brokaw: they are afraid their car will be an overpriced clunker
Brokaw: will you demand Rick Waggoner apologize for the Gremlin?
Levin: what about Bush and Obama?
Brokaw: never heard of them
Shelby: this is the beginning of Obama Corporate welfare
Levin: Bullshit - we did it for Chrysler and for the airlines and AIG and Wall Street and
Shelby: blah blah blah
Levin: but we have to pick up all their pensions!
Brokaw: but only a bailout can save the industry!
Shelby: no they must renegotiate with the unions and tell them to fuck off
Brokaw: Tom Friedman says the unions are to blame for building Escalades
Levin: hey Tom - Suck. On. This.
Brokaw: but the unions!
Levin: they've taken hits and Detroit is finally listening it troubles me
Levin: they're making hybrids and electric scooters why can't people see that this is not their fault they're making good cars!!!
Shelby: uh huh
Brokaw: are you willing to tell Chrysler dealers that their cars suck?
Shelby: you betcha!
Levin: no we must subsidize the auto industry so they can continue to innovate and make good cars nobody wants
Brokaw: T Boone do you think we should bailout the auto industries
Pickens: how the hell should i know
Brokaw: how's your wind
Pickens: it's slow but the wind will still be there tomorrow
Brokaw: i like you - you're folksy and like my crazy grandpa
Pickens: ahm gonna harness the wind and that will release natural gas
Brokaw: did Obama agree to support your cuddly non-existent plan?
Pickens: well he doesn't dance to mah tune but he likes natural gas cause it's red white and blue
Brokaw: what about electric cars
Pickens: nice but only natural gas is 'merican and can run a rig and get us off muslim oil
Brokaw: all gore says we should use kites to fly to work
Pickens: as long as their not foreign kites that's fine
Brokaw: but oil is cheap again
Pickens: but it still comes from terrorists and towelheads
Brokaw: good point
Brokaw: what's the answer
Pickens: we need a plan or you are in favor of foreign oil which is foreign and did I mention it was foreign
Brokaw: you were an oil man for 50 years stupid
Pickens: well that was your fault Tom and no President worked on the problem
Brokaw: Carter did
Pickens: fuck him he wore sweaters
[ break ]
Brokaw: should we bailout Detroit?
Tom Friedman: no way - where is their plan for fixing their problems?
Brokaw: subsidized crack
Friedman: they should have a plan - like marry a billionaire
Brokaw: that's a tough position
Friedman: these car makers suck - fuck em
Katty Kay: true but after 8 years of a Bush Presidency the US economy is so fragile we have to do it
Friedman: but they're greedy fuckers
Kay: ok so have the executives publicly drawn and quartered
Brokaw: what is the solution
Andrea Mitchell: Obama quit his senate seat so he could dodge the question
Tavis Smiley: hey who's getting rich Mustache man - Detroit is poorest fucking city in America
Smiley: the Audacity of Mendacity!
Brokaw: what about the fucking unions?
Mitchell: look we all like the underclass with their cute little blue collars but Obama is going to have to tell the unions to fuck off
Mustache: no one in the world understands this economic crisis - Obama is gonna need a bigger soup kitchen
Brokaw: i'm scared
Friedman: fairness doesn't matter - we have to bailout homeowners or we will be all eating bread and water
Brokaw: i'm not sure we have caught up to the full extent of the shitiness of the Bush economy
Kay: Bush has united the planet in agreement that he is the Worst Leader in the World
Brokaw: Andrea please offer us some juicy useless gossip
Mitchell: Hillary was seen with Lindsay Lohan and Bill Clinton
Brokaw: why would Hillary take a cabinet job?
Mitchell: she was shut out of health care in the senate by Ted Kennedy and needs a platform
Brokaw: but I thought Teddy had a brain tumor and was done for
Mitchell: think again warbler
Brokaw: bash Jesse Jackson pleez
Smiley: i know we're all celebrating Obama’s win but now there are no blacks in the Senate
Friedman: the next Secretary of State should be a bankruptcy specialist
Kay: what drugs are you on?
Mitchell: it shows Obama has read “Team of Rivals” which is very very important to people who listen to Don Imus
Brokaw: oh of course
Mitchell: also Obama will hire Lugar, Gates, McCain and Hagel
Brokaw: any liberals?
Mitchell: those *are* the liberals
Brokaw: is Bobby Jindal the future of the party?
Mitchell: yes and unlike Sarah Palin he appears to have a brain
Smiley: no unlike me that dood has not shown he can appeal to bored white people across the nation
Brokaw: my mother survived the gang wars of the twenties, an affair with John Steinbeck, a marriage to Doug MacArthur, nuclear tests, Elvis, the hula hoop, Woodstock, Studio 54, the crack wars, Pets.com and giving birth to me - happy birthday mom