Sunday, November 16, 2008
Kroft: are you still awesome?
Obama: i am now i get sleep late like a real president
Kroft: now you get to take it easy like Reagan and Bush
Kroft: what the hell have you gotten into
Obama: i am completely calm
Kroft: dude you are otherwordly
Kroft: so what's up
Obama: arming and defending the Empire
Kroft: what else
Obama: propping up this failed economy
Kroft: do you talk to Beaker about his $700 billion
Obama: hey did you ever see Brewster's Millions it's hard to give away that much money
Kroft: the CRAP program hasn't accomplished anything
Obama: hey you could see people selling apple cores in the streets
Kroft: will anything get better when you are president
Obama: i want people to stay in the overpriced homes they can't afford
Kroft: are you giving Beaker orders
Obama: let's just say he's getting the message Chicago style
Kroft: what's that?
Obama: a deep dish pizza wrapped in newspaper
Kroft: he sleeps with the anchovies
Obama: [ finger on nose ]
Kroft: Should we let GM fail like it's about to?
Obama: no these are extraordinary circumstances
Kroft: what are those?
Obama: I'm about to be President and need Michigan votes
Kroft: gas is cheap now so we can forget about greening right
Obama: oh no in Al Gore is getting thin we live in a different world
Kroft: should we keep our financial system?
Obama: indeed time for Pitchforks
Kroft: Close Gitmo?
Obama: indeed also no torture
Kroft: how about leaving the hellhole of iraq
Obama: just as soon as we can
Kroft: and when will you catch Osama?
Obama: dood I'm not President yet!
Kroft: dood the whole world is waiting you to fix 8 years of bullshit
Kroft: you spoke to Hillary
Obama: she's a smart lady
Kroft: Republicans in the cabinet?
Obama: if I can find one non-lunatic
Kroft: who are reading?
Obama: I am very humble i'd like to compare myself to Lincoln now
Kroft: not FDR?
Obama: him too - but I'm better looking
Kroft: why FDR?
Obama: he projected optimism and hard work and caring and that's what I want to do
Kroft: dood you must be new to washignton
Obama: new new new deal
Kroft: how will that work
Obama: it will be like the 30s but without the hats
Kroft: will you be eloquent like Stupid
Obama: fuck that - I will accomplish shit
Kroft: that's radical
Obama: but the President must communicate and i think like JFK i can do that
Kroft: you are extremely cool
Obama: yes dude I know
Kroft: when did you realize you are the President?
Obama: I'm what?!?! Oh shit!!
Michelle: i said wow I'm finally proud of America
Kroft: what were you thinking
M. Obama: i said my god 100,000 people are cheering you a black guy named Hussein
B. Obama: i have a black mother in law and she said well maybe my daughter made an ok choice after all
Obama: it was a sign of progress and core decency of the people - although i gambled that people aren't racists and it worked
Obama: i slept in and Michelle and the girls got up early
Michelle: the girls are embarrased by their dorky dad
Kroft: you lived in a one room college dorm
Michelle: it was disgusting
Obama: it was bachelor pad man it rocked!
[ high fives Kroft ]
Kroft: [ high fives ]
Kroft: how freaky are Stupid and the Joker
Michelle: are crazy as you can imagine
Michelle Obama: i imagine kids and dogs
Barack: and sleepovers
Kroft: bill clinton had those
Michelle Obama: Barack will be home and i will be close by
Kroft: when i met you first two years ago you were hanging around with idiots like Culture of Truth
Obama: i ditched that dood
Michelle: he's fucking crazy
Obama: for the girls we need an era of normalcy
Kroft: like War on Harding
M. Obama: it's all back to normal
Barack: no i can't go for a walk without being with weird guys in suits carrying machine guns
Kroft: so just like Tony Soprano
Kroft: when will Michelle take over public policy
M. Obama: hey we've learned this year if Palin and Hillary can run for President then so can i
B. Obama: now you see why i married her
Kroft: did you seriously consider a public school?
Obama: we still are
Kroft: but there are [stage whisper ] *black people there*
Michelle: i know
Kroft: dog selection front!
M. Obama: we told the girls we will get one after he selects a Secretary of Agriculture
Kroft: and they fell for that
Kroft: what kind of dog
Obama: i don't know but his name will be Whitey
Kroft: your mother in law is going to move dood are you crazy??
Obama: well we'll see i told her that the White House is very very small
Kroft: can you solve world peace and hunger a College Playoff system
Obama: damm right
[Michelle rolls eyes]
Obama: i'm gonna throw the weight of the presidency behind this
Kroft: bush couldn't do it
Obama: well as you may have noticed i am not Stupid
Kroft: as a matter of fact i'm beginning to get that
Obama: well good
[ high fives Kroft ]